war games

[melannen]

The characters in your favorite fandom are playing paintball/laser tag/snow forts/canonical equivalent. What happens? Who is the last one standing? Who goes absolutely feral? Who tries to subvert the rules? Who recruits people into an alliance or subverts people from the other team? Who commits a horrible betrayal? Who is secretly a terrifying hidden sniper from the shadows? Who plays for maximum drama instead of for victory?

Comments

[alias_sqbr]

Ha, well, for Dragon Age Inquisition: they're in a military organisation, but we've also seen what happens when they play cards.

So:
Cullen and Cassandra get frustrated that noone else takes this seriously enough to follow orders.
Bull and Dorian are on opposite sides and start out viciously shooting each other then end up making out in the bushes and getting paint everywhere.
Blackwall and Sera would team up but she'd just end up shooting whoever she thought was funniest to mess with, which he would roll with.
Varric finds himself a comfy spot to sit with a good view, and just sits reading a book until someone gets close at which point he shoots them with a smile then goes back to his book.
Even though she's a noncombatant administrator Josephine ends up winning without getting a spot on her clothes. It helps that Leliana silently took down anyone who got close to her.
Viviene would refuse to play, saying such silliness was beneath her, because she realised she couldn't beat Team Josephine. Instead she'd sit on the sidelines drinking s cocktail giving smug advice.

And then Solas does something to ruin the game for everyone. THANKS SOLAS.

(Note: I have never played paintball and don't really understand how it works. THESE ARE THEDAS RULES, IT'S AN AU)

[melannen]

You have captured the spirit exactly! (I've never played paintball either, I base my love for this trope on a few times playing laser tag, Community, and that one Star Trek novel.)

[alias_sqbr]

Thank you! I was inspired to fic :) https://archiveofourown.org/works/23610997

[arcanetrivia]

Am I allowed to answer "Severus Snape" for every single one of the questions after "what happens"?

[polarissruler]

Absolutely. I also think he'd do all those things.

[melannen]

Only if I'm allowed to answer "McGonagall" for all of them except the betrayal. :D

[lannamichaels]

In Guardian, I feel like Chu Shuzhi would be the last standing, but only because Zhao Yunlan got distracted 3/4 of the way through by a display of lollipops.

Da Qing is just there for the lulz. Zhu Hong kneecaps him easily.

[mekare]

Haha accurate. But. If they got Professor Shen to play, Chu would form an alliance so the Envoy could win. Yunlan would be useless because he'd ogle Shen Wei too much. Not sure if Zhu Hong's jealousy would distract her too much. Da Qing would not care and wander off for snacks.

[melannen]

...I feel like you have outlined a scenario where Lao Chu is protecting the envoy, Shen Wei is protecting Kunlun, Zhao Yunlan is distracted by Shen Wei, Zhu Hong is distracted by Zhao Yunlan, Da Qing doesn't care, and Guo Changcheng wins by default as the only living person actually paying attention.

[mekare]

Ah yes, I forgot about Guo Changcheng. You are probably right about him as long as his clumsiness doesn‘t get in the way.

[lannamichaels]

I feel like GCC frags himself with his weapon within five minutes and so sits out on the sidelines, taking breathless notes in his diary.

Meanwhile, Lin Jing is like "what am I, chopped liver" and ZYL says "no you're a spy, get back to spying". And thus is the interdepartmental paintball tournament won.

[melannen]

Oh, you're absolutely right, Lin Jing takes it.

Though Lin Jing probably also wins for "most likely to rig Paintball Weapon of Mass Destruction that wipes everybody out at once."

[lannamichaels]

The Envoy turns his blade into a paintball gun. Everyone is very impressed.

Afterwards, Professor Shen adjusts his glasses and goes back to pretending he doesn't know how technology works well enough to transmute it.

[polarissruler]

Do angels and demons play something like that? Ah, it would not surprise me if the ones from Soul Cartel played, in the very least. In the end, they would all lose to Faust, of course - that man is unbeatable when it comes to strategy games. If Mephisto and Belzeboub don't beat him with their berserk attacks... They also would be playing for the drama (unwittingly; they want to win, but I imagine them screaming on the top of their lungs and taking it so seriously that it becomes a great drama.)

[melannen]

Well, the ones in Good Omens do! Sort of, anyway. They canonically walk into paintball games and wreak havoc, anyway.

[polarissruler]

Oh, yes, I remember that! Now I can't help, but think of Beelzebub and Gabriel (from the TV Series) playing in paintball. Well, more like Beelzebub and some other demons dragging the angels to play...

[megpie71]

FF7:

This can go so many ways. So here's two of them.

* The annual SOLDIER vs Turks snowball battle (Crisis Core era; special guest participant, Private Cloud Strife, pulled in by his friend Zack on the SOLIDER team)

Last one standing is, of course, Sephiroth, who really doesn't understand the whole business with having to do these things as a game, and conducts it as a serious battle exercise. Second-last one standing is Tseng, who does understand the "game" side of things, but still treats it seriously.

Reno goes absolutely feral, but then again, nobody notices, because hey, it's Reno. Rude just stands back and lets him go.

Zack has, of course, been recruiting other people from other groups. He started with Cloud (who has decided to stay out of things and set himself up as quartermaster by specialising in snowball production), he's moved on to trying to get Reeve Tuesti to build them a snowball trebuchet (Cloud is shaking his head and face-palming, because seriously, Zack...)

Subverting people from the other team / horrible betrayal is a combination of Cissnei and Genesis, who wind up forming their own side, and basically ganging up on both teams from the sidelines. They subvert Reno, who nicks about half the snowballs Cloud made ("Hey!") to supply them.

The secretly terrifying hidden sniper in the shadows should be Vincent Valentine, but unfortunately he's busy taking a multi-decade nap. Don't interrupt him unless you're bearing coffee.

Angeal is playing it straight, and his squad lasts a decent time before they run out of snowballs (Reno has been half-inching 'em from everyone), at which point they're decimated by a deadly accurate attack from Tseng.

Playing for maximum drama is probably Genesis (come on, this is Genesis! He does EVERYTHING for maximum drama).

* The AVALANCHE vs Turks vs WRO snowball battle (Post-AC era, because they have to rebuild the bridges somehow).

Last one standing is Vincent, who is, as always, the terrifying sniper from the shadows. Or at least, he should be the last one standing, but he got hit by a sneak cute attack from Marlene, who distracted him while Denzel got him with a snowball. He accepted his defeat because he secretly adores the kids, and doesn't want to disappoint them, even if he doesn't know the first thing about how to deal with them).

Reno goes absolutely feral, but then again, nobody notices, because hey, it's Reno. Rude just stands back and lets him go. (Some things never change). Yuffie is also on the "absolutely feral" side of things, as well as the "horrible betrayal" side as well, but nobody really sees this as being out of character.

Yuffie is also the one who subverted Marlene and Denzel over to her team (she started WRO, but wound up creating her own side, involving Marlene, Denzel and any other kid who comes in range and wants to join in).

Cid and Barrett get into the swing of things, and turn it into a full on competition to see who can be the most dramatic of the lot.

Elena gives up early, and goes to help Tifa with preparing the mulled wine (adults) and hot chocolate (kids and Cloud, who doesn't notice the alcohol content in the wine, and doesn't like the taste) for afterwards. She's not that keen on snowball fights, because snowballs don't go boom properly. (Tifa misses Jessie sometimes... she thinks Jessie and Elena would have got on like a house on fire).

Reeve starts off trying to run things seriously for the WRO team, but ends up pulling out the snowball trebuchet he designed earlier (Cloud has to deal with a flashback; he shakes off Reeve's apologies - not ALL his lost memories are hideously traumatic, after all; this was one of the good ones).


Persona 5

For these guys, it has to be paintball. Boys vs Girls, with Goro Akechi subbing in for Morgana (who can't play; he's a cat and lacks opposable thumbs) on the boys side. For convenience, I'm going to be referring to them all by their Metaverse codenames, since that solves the problem of how to refer to the protagonist (who is currently up to about half a dozen "canonical" names, and appears to be accumulating them).

Last one standing is, of course, Joker. Who also carries off the palm for "playing for maximum drama". There should, as Oracle points out, be a rule against being as extra as he is.

Everyone was expecting the sudden but inevitable betrayal to come from Crow (who has form for this, after all). Instead, it turned out to be Fox, who got bribed by Noir (lifetime membership to Big Bang Burger, and one free burger a day - his food worries have been solved for the immediate future) into dropping out of things.

Thoroughly feral is Noir, who keeps grinning in a way which reminds everyone of the way she kept fondling that grenade launcher of hers back in the Metaverse. Very worrying, and they ask Queen to check her for axes and hatchets before they start playing.

The sniper from the shadows, surprisingly enough, is Oracle, who has been practising to try and beat Shinya at "Gun About" for a while now. She may not be able to run very far or very fast, and she might not be as good at the combat side of things, but she's found a good corner to hole up in (one that lets her have a good view of everyone else, which is essential). The only reason she isn't the last one standing is the glow of her phone pinpointed her position to Joker.

Fox doesn't so much try to subvert the rules as just doesn't understand what they're there for, or really comprehend the point of the game. He drops out of the game fairly early, due to the whole thing not being as interesting as the idea for a new painting he had as a result. He's intrigued by the artistic possibilities inherent in shooting paintballs at a canvas, and wants to think this through in order to see what he can get. Oh, and Noir's bribe. Can't forget the bribe.

Crow and Queen both take things fairly seriously, and the battle between the two of them quickly becomes a grudge match (Queen still hasn't forgiven Crow for that "good girl pushover" crack back in June). The rest of the crew leave the two of them to shoot it out. Joker and Skull team up to take out Panther and Noir, Oracle takes out Skull, and Joker waits for Queen to triumph over Crow before taking her out with a trick shot, and settling down to search for Oracle.

They all head back to Leblanc afterwards for coffee, curry and post-mortems. It takes about twenty minutes to coax Crow out of the sulks because Queen beat him.

[sathari]

Oh, my goodness, I love your FF7 ones! (I haven't played Persona 5 so can't comment on that one). But the FF7 ones are spot on and hilarious! Zack! Genesis! Tifa thinking that Elena and Jessie would've gotten on like a house on fire! Reno and Rude! Cloud's flashback! *chef's kiss*

[silveradept]

Well, to some degree RWBY did it, first with the food fight in the second season, again in the third season, and then again in the seventh, which proves that when they're on their game, there's no beating team RWBY or JNPR (or JN_R) at anything resembling a fair fight.

Which would mean it would have to be epic paintball, RWBY vs. JNQR. Ruby and Ren are sitting back, playing sniper duel with each other, while Yang and Nora go at each other with a vengeance, not really particularly caring if they actually hit each other or if they get hit. Everyone else lets them be until they work it out of their systems.

Bkake and Weiss are holding their own against Qrow, but just barely, as Qrow keeps pulling new trucks out of his bag to keep them off-balance. Which leaves Jaune to do what he does best - get out of the way and strategize.

Team RWBY wins, eventually, because you can't touch Ruby when she gets going, but the twist is that Ruby stole the JNQR flag right at the beginning with her Semblance and then, with the pressure off, is just having fun.

[sathari]

(So I love this prompt, but it took me a few days to figure out how to make it happen with one of my fandoms....)

Knives Out:
The Thrombeys are not the kind of family to go in for tactile, sporty outdoor games. However, when the entire clan, Marta included, gets snowed in at Christmas, and tempers start to flare, Harlan, with his usual "dance, my puppets, dance" attitude toward his nearest and dearest, orders them to take their aggressions outside for a snow fort war. There is universal grumbling (the siblings and in-laws consider themselves too serious for this kind of childish nonsense, and the cousins are nowhere near playful enough with each other for it, except maybe Meg and Marta) (plus how about the age split in the Thrombey grandkids? Ransom's almost a whole separate generation if he's Chris Evans' age!) but they all want to stay in Harlan's good graces (and Marta does want to make him happy for the sake of it) so off they all go, while Greatnana and Harlan watch from the balcony.

They play by house rules from Walt and Linda's childhood, boys against girls. causing Linda to remark that she and Mom always won despite being outnumbered (it was Harlan and Walt and Neil against her and their mother, Greatnana already being too frail for that kind of thing).

The terrifying secret sniper in the shadows is Joni, to everyone's surprise, but once she lets herself get into it, she's really good at going up a tree and firing snowballs filled with pine needles and other crap at people, and that flower-child exterior hides a certain ruthlessness.

Jacob at first doesn't want to get off his phone but goes completely feral once he realizes that this means he gets to pelt Meg (the "liberal snowflake") and Marta (the "dirty anchor baby") with projectiles. (NB: Apologies for the racist/political comments; those are his words for each woman at some point in the film, hence my use of them here.)

Linda takes charge on the women's side, bossing all of them around.

Similarly, Richard tries to take charge on the men's side and makes a lot of noise--- but he's a secret subversive/horrible betrayal, as his real goal is to let the women's team win in order to keep the peace with his wife. He and Walt argue extensively.

Walt tries to take this all as "serious fun" and a throwback to happier times in childhood and gets overly into the good fellowship good-clean-fun angle. Similarly, Meg, too, tries to get into the spirit of the thing, though given what they have to work with in the way of family it doesn't go well.

Ransom (of course) attempts a subversive alliance with Marta, telling her he wants to show up the rest of the family. When it comes to light that his real intentions were to make her look bad and himself look good in his grandfather's eyes, Meg (who really does care about Marta) and Walt (who could not really care less about Marta but loathes Ransom and sees an opportunity to make himself look good in his father's eyes) join forces to stuff Ransom in a snowbank.

Marta does her best to ignore it all and concentrates on making her snow fort as beautiful as possible. She is the last one standing.

Star Wars Sequel Trilogy (spoilers ahoy!)

While the Resistance etc. are trying to get themselves organized in the wake of the final battle, someone (probably Poe) decides it would be a great idea to have a game of blaster tag (low-power blaster shots, like the Jedi training remotes shoot) with Resistance against the former-First Order folks (i.e. Finn and Jannah's Company 77).

Jannah immediately takes charge on the defector side.

Finn doesn't like being on the opposite side from Rey, Rose, and Poe and promptly repeats his defection.

Poe does his best to rally the Resistance troops, but Jannah is just fucking better at this than he is, leading to lots of fun after-action joking about how lucky the galaxy is that she defected.

Chewbacca is the terrifying secret sniper, because he thinks it's good for the cubs to have a challenge.

Rey takes advantage of the confusion to sneak off and have sloppy makeouts with Ben Solo's Force ghost. (Yes, I will go down with that ship.)

Lando hangs back and laughs at the chaos.